Would you like to buy a G-O-P??

The 2008 presidential campaign really is bringing out the stars. Oprah is out stumping for Barack Obama, and Chuck "I don't throw up, I throw down" Norris is kicking communist ass for Mike Huckabee.



What I didn't know is that in addition to being an incredible speller (my preferred major in college when I was 6), Pat Sajak is also a conservative blogger! He hasn't spent any time stumping for a candidate because he's been spending a lot of time trying to figure out global warming.

In his latest column, he poses 10 questions "to which I have been unable to find definitive answers." Now I'm not an expert at global warming or spelling, but I do suggest that Pat takes his own advice from his previous column which describes how the average joe shouldn't look to celebrities for political advice. For that matter, why would he listen to me?

Stupid is as Stupid Reads

Guess which screen shot is of CNN's U.S. Edition and which is their International Edition.

Exhibit A:



Exhibit B:


If you picked Exhibit A as the CNN international Edition you are correct. If you picked Exhibit A as the CNN U.S. Edition, well, you've probably spent too much reading CNN U.S. Edition. And become retarded.

Big Ern's Totally Scientific Breakdown:
U.S. Page: 29 items, 22 of which are sensational, prurient, or otherwise dumb. The number is that low only becuase I get excited for I am Legend, and iPod Accessories. I also gave the benefit of doubt to the Time quotes, and the CNN Wire, yielding a domestic mongoloid index of 0.76.

International Page: 22 items, only 10 of which stink. International mongoloid index: 0.45.

Popular U.S. News Topics: Steroids, dog fighting, murder, promiscuity, and the antics of primates. (Technically, all of these could be filed under the antics of primates.)

Popular International News Topics: Global warming, international diplomacy, terrorism, and cloned cats (apparently these are a hit everywhere).

The Moral Lesson Herein:
Live in the U.S and want to become famous? Shoot up a dog with steroids then make it fight a gorilla. Consider copulating with the winner and killing the loser.

Live elsewhere and want to become famous? Speak up on global warming or broker a peace between contentious parties. Or make glowing cat clones.

Maybe folks are dumb all over.

So You Think You've Got It Rough?

At least you don't work in an Indian chromite mine.

I'm a big fan of this National Geographic photo set of the 10 Most Polluted Place on Earth. It's reassuring to see most of these mines being worked by children. That kind of smog can really play hell on an older person's lungs.

Nate = Buffoon, Al Gore = Sex Bomb

Re: the earlier post about stupid burning oil and replanting trees article I have two things to say:

1. Al Gore's position has never been that biofuels, electric cars, or hydrogen fuel cell powered sex toys are the one and complete answer to Global Warming. His position is that we need to shift our energy consumption to renewable fuel sources and begin an earnest, culture- and world-wide discussion about the cataclysmic wall we're probably accelerating towards.
2. Ethanol is stupid. It is the strange love-child of the corn industry (the nice people who ensure high fructose corn syrup is in everything) and environmentalists desperate to do something productive during this 8-year clusterfark (clusterbomb if you live in Basra).

Anyways, Gore is awesome. I would have his baby if it were biologically feasible (and if he would just answer one of my letters).