Stupid is as Stupid Reads

Guess which screen shot is of CNN's U.S. Edition and which is their International Edition.

Exhibit A:



Exhibit B:


If you picked Exhibit A as the CNN international Edition you are correct. If you picked Exhibit A as the CNN U.S. Edition, well, you've probably spent too much reading CNN U.S. Edition. And become retarded.

Big Ern's Totally Scientific Breakdown:
U.S. Page: 29 items, 22 of which are sensational, prurient, or otherwise dumb. The number is that low only becuase I get excited for I am Legend, and iPod Accessories. I also gave the benefit of doubt to the Time quotes, and the CNN Wire, yielding a domestic mongoloid index of 0.76.

International Page: 22 items, only 10 of which stink. International mongoloid index: 0.45.

Popular U.S. News Topics: Steroids, dog fighting, murder, promiscuity, and the antics of primates. (Technically, all of these could be filed under the antics of primates.)

Popular International News Topics: Global warming, international diplomacy, terrorism, and cloned cats (apparently these are a hit everywhere).

The Moral Lesson Herein:
Live in the U.S and want to become famous? Shoot up a dog with steroids then make it fight a gorilla. Consider copulating with the winner and killing the loser.

Live elsewhere and want to become famous? Speak up on global warming or broker a peace between contentious parties. Or make glowing cat clones.

Maybe folks are dumb all over.

Kevin Federline vs. Britney Spears

As you may have seen by now, Britney Spears loses custody of her children, Sean Preston and Jayden James, at noon on Wednesday. It is (at the time of this writing) Breaking News on CNN.
So, in honor of Britney being a total screw up, I figured I would do a quick comparison in a few categories to determine which parent should have the honor of raising two children who will clearly be messed up no matter what.

	k-Fed		Britney	WINNER
Upbringing	Parents divorced at age 8.		I think her parents are still together.	Britney
Previous Parenting Experience	Has spread his seed previously…has two other children via Shar Jackon.		Sean and Jayden are her first two children.	Kevin
Parenting skills	Shar claims he is a great dad.		Britney is infamous for a few stunts with her children, including holding one on her lap while driving. She was also ordered by a judge to spend 8 hours a week with a parenting coach.	Kevin - Parenting coach? I didn't even know those existed. How do I get to be one?
Schooling	Dropped out of high school in 9th grade. Later got his GED		Not sure, but I bet she made it past 9th grade.	Britney - but no promises that I'm right.
Hit Songs	Clearly, k-Fed's best song was PopoZão, even though the CD did poorly. Go here for a sample.		In my mind, "...Baby One More Time" was her true classic.	Britney - although Kevin almost wins this category since PopoZão is a slang term for "big ass".
Sports	Participated in a few episodes of WWE's RAW. Rumor has it, people backstage actually liked him. I don't see how the crowd wouldn't want to see him get thrown around a ring.		Accomplished gymnast until the age of 9.	Britney - Being a former gymnast who was always told to be a wrestler, I have to go with Britney.
Movies	Appearance in "You Got Served".		"Crossroads".	Kevin - I didn't see Crossroads, but it could not have been good.
TV	Britney and Kevin: Chaotic, 1 vs. 100, CSI, Las Vegas, various others.		Britney and Kevin: Chaotic, SNL, Will and Grace, CNN, various others.	Kevin - Based on Britney's comment to Tucker Carlson on CNN, I have to give this one to Kevin.
Modeling	The line he modeled at Macy's was the top selling line.		She posed naked while pregnant.	I'm going to call this one a tie since I can't believe people would LIKE looking at k-Fed or a pregnant Britney.
Website	Has flash objects and music playing.		Is allowing fans to name her latest album, but other than that, her web site is terrible.	Kevin - obviously a great category to break the tie and determine who should have custody.

Obviously, some things I failed to mention that could have helped Britney were her hugely successful music career, Grammy Awards (although she also received a Razzie for worst song and actress and was nominated for some others), record breaking album sales, very popular line of fragrances, and other accomplishments...
But, I didn't want Britney to win my intelligently crafted comparison. So, I agree with the judge. He did the right thing in giving the kids to everyone's favorite backup dancer, k-Fed.

WINNER = k-Fed

P.S. Britney destroys Kevin on GoogleFight...

*edited for elroy*
P.P.S. Britney has won the wikipedia battle. In the midst of her sobs and the sight of her children leaving for K-Fed's trailer, she managed to update her wikipedia page almost immediately. It's pretty amazing that she can do all that HTML while high on whatever she's on.