"Don't worry son, that's good growth for a boy your age"

Movember the 16th

Having passed the halfway point in my 30 day adventure, I feel prepared to offer some insight into the world of the mustachio'd man. I can't claim to be sporting the 'stache unironically, so perhaps my understanding of the lifestyle that comes with the moustache is in some way tainted. However, I believe I can supply a rough primer for those considering taking the plunge, be it for charitable or aesthetic [sic] reasons.

The first thing you need to know is that if you’re to grow a lip sweater of your own, you need to have thick skin underneath it. The high quality of one-liners I hear on a daily basis forces me to one of two conclusions: either I have extremely clever friends and coworkers; or it is just exceedingly easy to make fun of a moustache.

The other thing you need to understand is that a moustache is like a magnifying glass. They make awkward people seem more awkward, eccentric people more eccentric, drunk people more drunk. It's like a megaphone for your worldview/BAC. This applies to all styles (the Trucker, the Abracadabra...even the Business Man.) There are no subtle moustaches.

Lastly, I should tell you that moustaches are simply not appealing to women. It pretty much offends all five senses (don’t ask how this is possible.) So my initial aspirations for a stylish ‘stache are long gone, and you shouldn’t hold on to false hope either. There are no good looking moustaches. There are only degrees of bad.

So, my bald-lipped friends, you’ve been warned.

Fondly,
Mike

PS. Just a reminder…me and my moustache are raising money to fight prostate cancer. Go here to donate: DONATE TO MOVEMBER

Flying Spaghetti Monster

A couple years ago I'd heard about the Flying Spaghetti Monster when the debate was raging in Kansas about evolution vs. intelligent design but I had no idea that it was still going.

This whole thing started back in the day when a physics student from Oregon sent a letter to the Kansas School Board demanding equal time to advocate his view that the Flying Spaghetti Monster, or FSM, had created the universe. I won't go into the whole timeline, go to Wikipedia if you want to read the details. Anyway, the idea that followers of FSM, called Pastafarians, dress like pirates really pumps me up. Perusing my best online friend I also found out that there is an international "talk like a pirate day," and it is pretty much FSM's Christmas. Also the fact that you can argue that dressing like a pirate is an expression of religious freedom is a very liberating idea.

If you already have your own religion or you're not won over by FSM or their pious pillaging pirates, then you should check out similar fake religions including:
Frisbeetarianism (Which obviously sucks)
Sentient Puddle
Scientology (Tom Cruise will now haunt me for years)
and my second favorite, Invisible Pink Unicorn

Disclaimer: Please don't flood me with hate mail or try to proseletyze, I only find this funny. I'm not really trying to convert you.

I support Curtis Martin...

When former New York Jets running back Curtis Martin retired in July, he stated he wanted to transition to the front office. More specifically, he wants to own a team in the NFL.

I think that is a great goal. Some athletes become TV analysts, some open businesses, and frankly I don't know what else former athletes do, but I'm sure most have to work.

Why have I all of the sudden become such a big fan of Curtis Martin's goal? Because he is thought of as one of the toughest athletes to play in New York? Because is the league's fourth-leading career rusher?
Actually, no, it is because of this quote from an ESPN article:

"I want to become a new image of what a professional athlete is," Martin said. "I think presently in sports, you have the whole bravado, bling-bling, and it seems that that's the image that most of us look up to, and I don't know who set that image. I want to be a different image. I want to be an image that's positive for you long-term. ... That's one of my true motivations, is to be a different goal to reach versus just having a million homes and a million cars and all the jewelry in the world."

Who DID set the image of bling-bling and a million possessions? I don't know, but I might blame hip-hop artists like Soulja Boy (Tell'em).

But, regardless, I think it is great that Curtis Martin is taking a different approach from the typical secular world views that are propagated in the sports world.

I will cheer for whatever team Martin becomes an owner of, especially if the Bears keeping starting Rex Grossman....

Wonder how Ron Artest would have responded...

So the other day in Israel, one of the biggest league games of the Israeli basketball season occurred. With two minutes to go in the Hapoel Jerusalem versus Hapoel Holon game, a steward had his hand blown off as he tried to remove a firecracker thrown onto the court. There are so many not very funny jokes about explosions and the Middle East that I'll skip over trying to be humorous.

In my previous years, I may have thrown things at referees in third world countries, but we'll skip over that. I certainly never threw explosive things at anyone.

To make all you sports fans feel that much safer that we're in America, I'll recap the greatest (and by greatest I mean worst) things thrown at sporting events.

Ron Artest:


And because I can't find the Giants snowball fight of 1995 or Tom Gamboa being attacked by the two inbred White Sox fans, I give you Randy Johnson:

[Insert Name Here] and the Lords of the Underworld

The list of bonus tracks for Rock Band has been released. My internal monologue while scanning:

Who are these people... I don't know any of these songs... Wait, what was
that!? OMFG they have Timmy and the Lords of the Underworld! OMMFG, how will the singing along work?! This will produce the BEST YouTube videos ever! Yes!
YES!!!

I can't wait.

Japanese Exploding Piggy Bank

I saw this the other day on mental_floss magazine and this morning again as a link on the Freakonomics Blog....so, I couldn't pass up the opportunity to talk about the recently released Japanese Exploding Piggy Bank.

The point of this piggy bank is that it will "explode" when the owner hasn't saved in a while.
So, it scatters coins all over the place when you haven't fed it money in a few days? I realize this is designed as a toy, but I think it is sending the wrong message.

The Japanese thought about the exploding aspect:
"'Users must pick up and collect the scattered coins and reflect on their laziness,' the Japanese company said."

If it were me, I would take that exploded money, reflex on my laziness about putting it back in the piggy bank and instead spend it. What is easier, putting lots of coins one at a time through a small slot or taking them all and buying something cool?
But, then you have to deal with the embarrassment of paying for something with lots of coins. Or you could go to the bank first. But, then we get back to our original question of which is easier...picking up the coins and going to a bank to get money OR putting the coins back in the piggy bank?

I've confused myself.

Clearly, the right way to go is to use the already released Japanese pee powered batteries (previously posted by zach) in your battery powered piggy bank. You will save money by dropping coins in the piggy bank slot and save even more money by recharging the piggy bank batteries with your own "little potty".

The battery producer, NoPoPo, and the piggy bank maker, TOMY Co Ltd, should really do a joint marketing campaign....

P.S. If you don't want to get mugged taking your piggy bank to the real bank, make sure to wear one of these vending machine costumes (previously mentioned by electronic vagrant).

Wal-Mart offers X-box 360 + 5 games for $279.92 on Black Friday

The stock market rallied around 1% this morning thanks to Wal-Mart's surprisingly strong third-quarter results. Shares rose 5.5% in early morning trading after earnings topped estimates and the company raised their projected sales for the coming year.

There is even better news to cheer about: Wal-Mart has given a sneak peek of its Black Friday deals. The store will offer xbox 360 game consoles along with 5 games for around $280. Also, they will be selling 50-inch Phillips plasma televisions for $1397.

M.C. Hammer = Web 2.0 guru?

Apparently, the man famous for those catchy tunes, "U Can't Touch This" and "Too Legit To Quit" (hey hey!!) was a member of TechCrunch's TechCrunch40.

TechCrunch40 is an annual conference where the 40 of the hottest new startups show off their products. They get to do it for free and a prize is given to the best company. Mint (previously mentioned on this blog) won the $50,000 prize this year.

So, MC Hammer (could you call me by my rapping name?) was on the panel of experts. When the panelists were announced, TechCrunch was accused of including Hammer only because he was black.
Then, it was revealed that TechCrunch's founder, Michael Arrington, was an investor in a company that MC Hammer is co-founding, DanceJam.

Right now you're saying, "Hold the phone, MC Hammer has a web startup company?"...yes, in fact he does.

DanceJam:
"DanceJam is a social media destination where users hang out and watch people dance, learn how to dance, or show off their moves online."

Read more HERE.

But, the point is, Mr. MC Hammer was supposedly a knowledgeable panelist and provided value throughout the conference. I didn't know the great Hammer was such a nerd.

Perhaps I'll have to put "Please Hammer, Don't Hurt 'Em" back on my ipod (yes, it is in my music collection)...


As a side note, does anyone else find it amusing that after all these years, Amazon still claims you are saving 99 cents on that CD I just linked to? I would bet you could find a copy of that CD selling for less than $10.99.

Krumping: Dance moves I should learn for my wedding?

Google Trends has recently alerted me to a relatively new form of dance:
Krumping

What is Krumping? It all depends on who you ask....

Wikipedia:
"Krumping is a relatively new form of dance within the "urban" and street dance movements, and is characterized by free, expressive and highly energetic moves. The form is attributed as having originated in the community of South Los Angeles."

UrbanDictionary.com:
"A positive outlet for anger, a way of spiritual dancing and praise,a popular and fast growing style of hip-hop dance. It originated in the African-American community of South Central Los Angeles, California. It is free, expressive, and highly energetic, and is the newest form of the "Urban" Black dance movement."

A few facts about Krumping:
Getting "Buck" is the latest form of Krumping. It is more difficult than other styles. There are about a dozen different ways to grade Krumping. Groups of Krump dancers are called "fams" or "families".

Here's some Krump slang for you (thanks to Wikipedia):

• Kill off: To be beaten, or another name for a trick move
  
• Kill off crucially: To be beaten badly
  
• Buck: Used to describe something cool or someone good at krumping
  
• Amped: Used to describe a person who's really into the spirit of krump
  
• Krump groupie: Used to describe people who follow krumpers but don't krump or are unknown to the krump world

For more info on Krumping (because I am clearly not an expert), please go to:
KrumpDancing.com
KrumpKings.com

Enjoy a clip of some dude Krumping:



So, on second thought, probably not an appropriate style of dance for my wedding....