How taking the bus to work relates to marathons...

So, my future wife, Meredith, is running the Marine Corp Marathon at the end of the month.
The other morning while training, she was disgusted with the amount of people who drive to work and the ensuing exhaust that she was inhaling. As someone who either takes the bus/metro and/or the train to work, this gave her an idea.
She has decided (in an atypical liberal way) to place something similar to the following on the back of her shirt while running the marathon:

If I can run 26.2 miles, you can take the bus/metro to work.


Personally, if she wants to make a statement, that's fine with me. I take planes to work, so I am worse than all of those driving. But, this idea intrigues me due to the first potential opportunity for a www.villagerwithwheel.com sponsorship.
She has agreed, sorta, that if the blog pays for her shirt to be made (dry fit material with the statement screened on the back), she would be willing to have the address of the blog on the shirt also.

Clearly, any traffic obtained from this sponsorship probably wouldn't like my previous post poking fun at Al Gore. But, we could put up some hippie posts on saving the environment prior to the marathon to lure in potential tree huggers readers.


Then, right after we get them hooked, we could have OD guest blog with a stall quote (from our college frat house), similar to "stop throwing pennies at my boobs you effing jack@ss", but something much more offensive.....

But seriously, I think the sponsorship idea is money....

Human Search Engines....

Wikipedia defines a human search engine as:
"..a search engine that utilizes human participation to filter the search results and assist users in clarifying their search request. The goal is to provide users with a limited number of relevant results, as opposed to traditional search engines that often return a large number of results that may or may not be relevant."

Some examples of human search engines:

Bessed - built on a blogging platform
ChaCha - Cha means "search" in Chinese
Mahalo - according to their site, "search results only include great links"

Apparently, when search engines use humans to index pages, the results are more relevant. I can't say that I have tried any of them extensively, but maybe next time you are frustrated with Google, these are some alternatives.


I don't think Ms. Dewey is a human powered search engine, but check out the intro. It is powered by Microsoft Live Search. Also, if you are idle for 30 seconds or so, she yells at you. She's actually quite a character...hit the Best of Dewey button and she will probably put on a little show...

And the Horrible Pie Chart Truth Will Set You Free

Alternate title: Save Money, Lose Weight, Play More Video Games

After playing with Mint for a few weeks, and fixing some of the (few) mis-labeled transactions, 2 things became abundantly clear:

1. Owning and improving a home in the DC area is expensive as balls.


2. I am spending enough money on fast food and coffee to lease a Kia.

The home improvement isn't that troubling, assuming anyone ever buys or sells a house again. Ever.

But the fast food spending is killing me (quite literally) in several ways. First, there are many better ways to utilize $310/month than Panda Express and Starbucks. Second (and I haven't done the legwork on this) I suspect there are healthier dining options extant.

Enter the magic of the internets. Starting Columbus day (no time to grocery shop before then) I will harness the self-improvement (and waist-line reducing) power of Joe's Goals, ING Direct, and self-loathing to banish fastfood and Starbucks from my (weekday) life. This should help me save money (for to pay off credit cards and buy a 40GB Playstation 3) and bring sexy back.

I typically spend ~$5 on breakfast/coffee and $10 on fastfood lunch and dinner. My thinking is that I can replace $125/week of fastfood with ~$50 of groceries, saving $75/week. Tracking my (hopefully) good behavior on Joe's Goals, I plan on dumping the first $35/saved each week into a no-fun ING account that will go towards credit cards. The other (possible) $40 will go to fun.

I'll check back in a month and let you know how it's going. If you don't hear from me, I'm probably at Pentagon City mall gorging myself on Kung Pao and Orange Chicken.

Two headed turtle...

...has been purchased by a pet store in Pennsylvania; Big Al's Aquarium Supercenter in East Norriton. Oddly enough, I just saw this story on ESPN's First Take.

The turtle is apparently healthy and can live 15 to 20 years.

The little guy(s)/gal(s) has two sets of front feet, but only one set of back feet.

The turtle is a red-eared slider and can fit on a silver dollar. Quite small...

Link to the story:
LINK

Link to Big Al's website and address (in case you want to go see it):
Web Site - Address

Learn the internet from Kim Jong Il...

Apparently, everyone's favorite dictator, Kim Jong Il has proclaimed himself an "internet expert", according to Engaget.
He made this admission during talks with South Korean President, Roh Moo-hyun.

I'm convinced.

I wonder if he has a blog with tips on the internet....oh wait, The Economist once said that the "Chinese web which, for all its no-go areas, is a paradise of liberty compared with Kwangmyong" (Kwangmyong being the North Korean intranet). What does that tell you about internet access in North Korea?

"Hans Blix! I'm very busy man!"

BEST Halloween costume involving poop...

Boing Boing calls this the worst costume ever, but they are wrong.
Poopie Shorts! Just read the description:
"Two-Layer Butt Allows 'Diarrhea' to Flow without a Mess!"

Comes with "Theatrical Liquid 'Diarrhea'"!!

Maybe I could use this costume for more than one year.....

Here's a link to 10 Halloween Costumes That Are Just Sick and Wrong, where this comes from....

PT Cruiser - Day 3 - It is actually smarter than me....

No, I haven't figured out why the alarm goes off every time I unlock and open the door.
But, it does have Sirius satellite radio. I accidentally pushed a button while trying to turn up the volume and found out. I could have been imagining a fat whip (since I don't have to see the outside while driving) while listening to good tunes.
Boy, do I feel dumb....

PT Cruiser, please accept my humble apology.

Covestor now has $100 million worth of brokerage accounts...

....Zach and I are a small fraction of it.

TechCrunch highlights that Covestor users have a combined amount of $100 million in brokerage accounts.
We have previously highlighted Covestor (link to tagged posts) and just figured I would mention it since it seems to be a growing phenomenon.

As opposed to being a fantasy stock site that doesn't use real money, this site shows if you really can't spell stock or market...


And yes, the A/C unit on top of the car has nothing to do with the post...

Even Though I Plan on Voting For Her...

...I think the Hillary Nutcracker is pretty funny. Yours for the low-low price of $19.95.

Wal-Mart's employees drink haterade...

Haterade is defined by UrbanDictionary.com as, "a figurative drink representing a modality of thought. those who consume it are themselves consumed by the negativity which with they speak."

A recent article in BusinessWeek, as highlighted HERE by BloggingStocks.com, points out that Wal-Mart employees are extremely bitter towards their employer. Because of this resentfulness, employees treat customers like poop.
Some have suggested that Wal-Mart stop trying to up their rankings in the list of the World's Billionaires and actually treat their employees better.

My question is, will this actually encourage people who refuse to shop at Wal-Mart to become patrons?

People who currently hate Wal-Mart (i.e. Electronic Vagrant), probably have reasons other than bad customer service. How many people were so upset by their customer experience that they never went back? Humans are inherently cheap. So, they probably continue to shop there and just accept the fact that if they can't find something, they may be cursed at by the employee who "don't work in that department".

Are Target employees really that much nicer? Its not like minimum and close to minimum wage employees don't hate their low paying job because they work at Wal-Mart vs. Target vs. any other retailer. How often do you see a happy cashier or floor representative?

I worked retail all through high school and college. I actually worked for a Wal-Mart brand (Sam's Club) for two summers and a Christmas break. The unique thing about my Sam's Club experience? That store had the worst loss prevention because the front end employees, including supervisors, had a scheme to steal massive amounts of product from the store. I'm not sure if I call that bitter, but that action is definitely not based on a high level of job satisfaction.

My point is, Wal-Mart needs to change their corporate business practices for people to view it as an acceptable place to shop. Treating their employees better is a start, but not the end solution to bring back alienated customers.

Limiting goof off time...

Why?
If you use Firefox, like I do, there are extensions created to help you eliminate fun non-productive time. Here are a few examples:
MeeTimer - MeeTimer logs where you spend your time online, grouping it into activities, and actively discouraging time wasting.
I have it running right now. Although it isn't really set up to group or annoy me, I am in no way discouraged to surf the internet.
LeechBlock - LeechBlock is a simple productivity tool designed to block those time-wasting sites that can suck the life out of your working day. All you need to do is specify which sites to block and when to block them.
This assumes your corporate firewall doesn't already block them.
TimeTracker - Do you spend too much time on Firefox? Do you open tabs faster than you can close them? Cannot get things done? Keep track of how much you browse with TimeTracker.
I think all of these look at the glass as half empty.

Here's an online gimmick:
Timer - a browser-based egg timer. Counts down however many minutes YOU choose. Displays the running time in the browser title bar (or tab).

Why should I limit my non-productive time? Non-work time is fun time! Instead, try to be more productive so you can have more time to fool around.
Some positive productivity extensions for firefox:
Life-hack productivity extensions
Life-hack GreaseMonkey scripts - between the two lists, this one is better...

Previously mentioned by Zach, Todoist, which I have started using and paying for, really does help. Simple, yet efficient.
Another tool mentioned by Zach, which has a Firefox extension, Getting Things Done.

There are many tools, add-ons, and what not out there to make yourself a better cubicle worker (Lifehack.org, Lifehacker.com)...why not take advantage so you can be less of a cubicle worker?

So you can do stuff like this:

PT Cruiser - Day 2

The alarm on my rental PT Cruiser continues to go off every time I unlock and open the driver side door. Terribleness....
Anyway, last night the PT lead me to Miscellaneous Rodriguez, a store in Sharonville, OH. Although the name sounds intriguing, the patrons are mainly Hispanic, probably because it sells mainly Hispanic food.

I was hoping they would sell something crazy like Japanese Pee Powered Batteries.....

Brain-Eating Amoeba

My mother originally sent me an article about this, but since the Chicago Tribune has yet to make all its content free like the New York Times (and possibly soon the Wall Street Journal), I have to use a different but similar article.
This article from azcentral.com, highlights the recent death of a 14-year-old boy from a brain-eating bacteria.
Yes, the bacteria "Naegleria Fowleri" can travel up your nose via nerve fibers and eat your brain. The most likely result of such action is death in two weeks. Usually, the bacteria is contracted from warm shallow water. An underwater somersault might result in the bacteria getting into your nose and eventually moving into your brain, destroying tissue as it goes.
Although only 23 people were infected from 1995 to 2004, there have already been six cases this year and experts predict that infections will increase due to rising temperatures and therefore warmer water (future decades).
Symptoms include "a stiff neck, headaches and fevers." At later stages, there will be "signs of brain damage such as hallucinations and behavioral changes."
Here's a link to a CDC fact sheet: LINK

Personally, I am not a huge fan of bodies of water. This doesn't encourage me to go jump in a lake. This bacteria can also be found in swimming pools. That's not cool either.
Either way, I though it was interesting and slightly scary. I don't want a bacteria to turn my brain into an Old Country Buffet....

Kevin Federline vs. Britney Spears

As you may have seen by now, Britney Spears loses custody of her children, Sean Preston and Jayden James, at noon on Wednesday. It is (at the time of this writing) Breaking News on CNN.
So, in honor of Britney being a total screw up, I figured I would do a quick comparison in a few categories to determine which parent should have the honor of raising two children who will clearly be messed up no matter what.

	k-Fed		Britney	WINNER
Upbringing	Parents divorced at age 8.		I think her parents are still together.	Britney
Previous Parenting Experience	Has spread his seed previously…has two other children via Shar Jackon.		Sean and Jayden are her first two children.	Kevin
Parenting skills	Shar claims he is a great dad.		Britney is infamous for a few stunts with her children, including holding one on her lap while driving. She was also ordered by a judge to spend 8 hours a week with a parenting coach.	Kevin - Parenting coach? I didn't even know those existed. How do I get to be one?
Schooling	Dropped out of high school in 9th grade. Later got his GED		Not sure, but I bet she made it past 9th grade.	Britney - but no promises that I'm right.
Hit Songs	Clearly, k-Fed's best song was PopoZão, even though the CD did poorly. Go here for a sample.		In my mind, "...Baby One More Time" was her true classic.	Britney - although Kevin almost wins this category since PopoZão is a slang term for "big ass".
Sports	Participated in a few episodes of WWE's RAW. Rumor has it, people backstage actually liked him. I don't see how the crowd wouldn't want to see him get thrown around a ring.		Accomplished gymnast until the age of 9.	Britney - Being a former gymnast who was always told to be a wrestler, I have to go with Britney.
Movies	Appearance in "You Got Served".		"Crossroads".	Kevin - I didn't see Crossroads, but it could not have been good.
TV	Britney and Kevin: Chaotic, 1 vs. 100, CSI, Las Vegas, various others.		Britney and Kevin: Chaotic, SNL, Will and Grace, CNN, various others.	Kevin - Based on Britney's comment to Tucker Carlson on CNN, I have to give this one to Kevin.
Modeling	The line he modeled at Macy's was the top selling line.		She posed naked while pregnant.	I'm going to call this one a tie since I can't believe people would LIKE looking at k-Fed or a pregnant Britney.
Website	Has flash objects and music playing.		Is allowing fans to name her latest album, but other than that, her web site is terrible.	Kevin - obviously a great category to break the tie and determine who should have custody.

Obviously, some things I failed to mention that could have helped Britney were her hugely successful music career, Grammy Awards (although she also received a Razzie for worst song and actress and was nominated for some others), record breaking album sales, very popular line of fragrances, and other accomplishments...
But, I didn't want Britney to win my intelligently crafted comparison. So, I agree with the judge. He did the right thing in giving the kids to everyone's favorite backup dancer, k-Fed.

WINNER = k-Fed

P.S. Britney destroys Kevin on GoogleFight...

*edited for elroy*
P.P.S. Britney has won the wikipedia battle. In the midst of her sobs and the sight of her children leaving for K-Fed's trailer, she managed to update her wikipedia page almost immediately. It's pretty amazing that she can do all that HTML while high on whatever she's on.

Financial Freedom

Having trouble getting the money you need to buy that new Cheverolet? Are you tired of paying 20% on that credit you used to buy your green Crocs? Were you one of the millions of suckas who got a neg am loan with a 1.00% teaser rate that you thought was going to be the rate for the life of you loan? IF YOU ARE....NOW THERE IS RELIEF.

You've seen him fight people in the ring...now the 'Nature Boy' Ric Flair is fighting for your finances!

Why not to travel with children...

In the security line at the Cincinnati airport last Thursday, there was a family of 5 a few spots in front of me. Although the video doesn't capture it as accurately as I had hoped, one of the kids was screaming bloody murder the entire time he was in the security line. I captured part of the madness right after TSA took the family out of the security line due to the disruption.



Before this, he had sat at the beginning of the line with his backpack extended into the feet of oncoming people, slapped his mother in the face, almost kicked his mother in the head, and continually screamed "Don't touch me!" and "Get away from me!" to his parents.

Money quote from the mother right after he slapped her in the face numerous times:
"Maybe he's still too young to travel with."

Sounds like a sweet kid...

This week's rental car....

This week, I flew into Dayton, OH. AVIS was kind enough to hook me up with possibly the worst looking type of car they could find....the PT Cruiser:


This is a picture of the actual car I am driving. Also, the remote doesn't work and the alarm randomly went off twice this morning, once before and once after breakfast. The only way I knew to stop it was to start the car. But, first I looked like an idiot for 30 seconds while pointing the key at the car and mashing buttons on the remote. I went from a Chrysler 300 with Sirius, last week, to this. It is embarrassing to drive.....

Big Ern's "Pop and" Locks of the Week

Next week's title: "Big Ern's 'Running out of Puns' Locks of the Week".

After going cold turkey on the favorites last week, it's time to put one tentative foot down off the wagon.

Enjoy.

SAN FRANCISCO +2.5 over Seattle
New England -8 over CINCINNATI
Tampa Bay +3 over CAROLINA

Last week: 2-1
This year: 4-4