Your Jesus fish should be revoked....Part I

Let me start by saying that one of my biggest pet peeves is people who
cut in line. (Wal-Mart is not a pet peeve, it goes much deeper)


One of my favorite stories is the time when I was in an airport in a somewhat out of the way Chinese city. After paying the various random airport taxes and wading through the regulations, it came time for me to go through security. When I arrived in China I quickly realized that lines were a microcosm of "who in this general vicinity is the most important/powerful." As the only white person within a 5 mile radius, I unexpectedly won every contest. So, as I walked up to the security checkpoint and got in the back of the "line" I fouled up the hierarchy of the whole gate area. You see, the "line" in front of me looked more like a big mass of people. The businessmen in nice suits were up front, on the edges, cutting in front of everyone. The older people were in the middle, close to the front, using all the dirty tricks they'd learned from decades of Chinese "line" formation. In the back of the line were the young kids and the families who were obviously less well off.

My arrival didn't pose a problem until the first businessman/old person tried to push up and cut in to try to take their normal place in the Chinese "line". One by one, they hurried toward the front, only to see me standing at the back of the line. They couldn't pass the skinny white guy because it would break some unwritten rule, so they all began fighting for position directly behind me. I absolutely loved it. I couldn't help giving the cheesy businessmen/party bosses a quick look of "what the hell do you think you're doing" every time they tried to walk by me. So, for the next
fifteen minutes I relished the fact that I had changed the organizational paradigm of a Chinese airport.

Tomorrow I will explain what this has to do with the title of the post, although you can probably figure it out. Now I have to go get in bed before the "you have to sleep on the couch rule" is invoked.

A letter from Wal-Mart Shared Services...

Back during college, I worked at a Sam's Club, in Addison, IL, for two Summers and a Christmas break.

Apparently, one pay period I worked very few hours and forgot to cash my check.

Last week, I received this in the mail:



Way to go on a timely follow up..."update our accounting records periodically"

Seeing as how they sent it to my parents and I opened it last weekend, I would have to wait and call the state to get my $11.28. I think I'll pass.


I'm sorry, electronic vagrant. I probably really bummed you down...

A MANDATE FOR TIES, COATS AND POPPED-COLLARS

I nearly cried myself to sleep from laughing so hard at this article. I will keep my comments to a minimum because I do not want to offend any spouse's brother.

I will admit that I find this article humorous probably because I do not understand and have never experienced the environment that the author describes. I will say that I would settle for an orange shirt any day over that bow tie he is wearing in the picture.

Wal-Mart offers X-box 360 + 5 games for $279.92 on Black Friday

The stock market rallied around 1% this morning thanks to Wal-Mart's surprisingly strong third-quarter results. Shares rose 5.5% in early morning trading after earnings topped estimates and the company raised their projected sales for the coming year.

There is even better news to cheer about: Wal-Mart has given a sneak peek of its Black Friday deals. The store will offer xbox 360 game consoles along with 5 games for around $280. Also, they will be selling 50-inch Phillips plasma televisions for $1397.

I hate touching toilet handles...

...so, I want my very own foot toilet flusher.

Thanks to an e-mail alerting me of this device sent to me by my future wife, I can now tell you that if you have a Sam's Club membership, you can buy one online for $28 (not including shipping).

Or, if you hate Wal-Mart like our friendly villager EV does, you can order one from somewhere like Health Mega Mall.

Either way, you won't have to touch the handle while flushing ever again.
Yes, I know it is your own home. Yes, I know I bookmarked a page in del.icio.us about how people need to eat more excrement. But, I still hate germs and I don't know where that toilet handle has been...it could have been kissing girls on the mouf!

Wal-Mart's employees drink haterade...

Haterade is defined by UrbanDictionary.com as, "a figurative drink representing a modality of thought. those who consume it are themselves consumed by the negativity which with they speak."

A recent article in BusinessWeek, as highlighted HERE by BloggingStocks.com, points out that Wal-Mart employees are extremely bitter towards their employer. Because of this resentfulness, employees treat customers like poop.
Some have suggested that Wal-Mart stop trying to up their rankings in the list of the World's Billionaires and actually treat their employees better.

My question is, will this actually encourage people who refuse to shop at Wal-Mart to become patrons?

People who currently hate Wal-Mart (i.e. Electronic Vagrant), probably have reasons other than bad customer service. How many people were so upset by their customer experience that they never went back? Humans are inherently cheap. So, they probably continue to shop there and just accept the fact that if they can't find something, they may be cursed at by the employee who "don't work in that department".

Are Target employees really that much nicer? Its not like minimum and close to minimum wage employees don't hate their low paying job because they work at Wal-Mart vs. Target vs. any other retailer. How often do you see a happy cashier or floor representative?

I worked retail all through high school and college. I actually worked for a Wal-Mart brand (Sam's Club) for two summers and a Christmas break. The unique thing about my Sam's Club experience? That store had the worst loss prevention because the front end employees, including supervisors, had a scheme to steal massive amounts of product from the store. I'm not sure if I call that bitter, but that action is definitely not based on a high level of job satisfaction.

My point is, Wal-Mart needs to change their corporate business practices for people to view it as an acceptable place to shop. Treating their employees better is a start, but not the end solution to bring back alienated customers.

Redskins

Alright i might casually acknowledge that every single year, every Redskins fan says 'THIS IS THE YEAR OF THE REDSKINS'. They provide you with astrological and mathmatical proof that this year more than any, the Skins are going to sweep the eagles, drug dealing cowboys and timid Giants. A few years back, our savior, the reverned Joe Gibbs returned to confirm out belief that the Skins were the greatest thing since Walmart. Well none of these predictions have come true. The Skins have failed miserably.

The point of all my incoherent, redneck, misspelled ramblings is to say that this year really is the year of the Skins. Its different this year. They are going to win the Super Bowl!!!

Hell

I think that Hell looks like a Wal-Mart. You walk in and see that the store manager is Hugo Chavez and the assistant store manager is Dick Cheney. The restrooms in hell are very well lit and warm. There are no doors on any of the stalls, and the bathroom has high traffic levels. Computers, magazines, newspapers, and games are not allowed in said bathrooms. The oxygen network is the only television station that the TVs in the electronics department get. The Yankees win the World Series, Duke wins the NCAA basketball championship, and a team from the SEC wins the BCS. Every time I try to curl up in a corner and fall asleep, the missionaries who roam the aisles come and want to sign me up for choir practice.

I could go on, but I have to go eat lunch.