Big Ern's Psychic Visions

After channeling Muad'dib this morning, I have pierced the veils of time and seen President Bush's speech tonight. You heard it hear first:

• The surge is working! Woot! Progress is being made on most many some three two of the 18 benchmarks for success set by Congress in the spring.



• 9/11, Saddam Hussein. 9/11, Saddam Hussein.



• Even though I've constantly lied to you been honestly wrong about everything mistakes have been made, the totally independent General Petraus reported to Congress this week that everything I've been telling you is correct.



• Success is being acheived as such a dizzying rate we would be irresponsible to pull out before planting the seed of success deep within Iraq's fertile crescent. To do otherwise would be to waste it on the stomach of cowardly defeat.



• We may reduce troop levels in the Spring of 2008. This has nothing to do with completely running out of troops.



• These successes are comprable to past, glorious victories over the Nazis Viet-Cong the aliens from Independence Day very poor, angry people with guns.



• There are only two alternatives: leaving troops there forever, or fitting your wife and daughter for a burka.



• I look forward to reporting even more good news sometime after November 2008.